This is me: Ahmed Hesham

THIS IS ME: Ahmed Hesham

I was born in Egypt and we lived there until I was five months old, and then we moved to South Africa for my dad’s work. I don’t know what he did exactly, but I know he was an engineer. I don’t know so much about my dad’s life — he passed away suddenly when I was eight years old, and it’s very painful for my mum to talk about, so we never really have.

All I remember from South Africa is our house. It had a pool, and I remember the floor and the TV. Nothing else. I’ve been fluent in English since the beginning, even before going to school in Egypt.

I started playing handball because literally my whole family played — my father, mother, sister, brother, grandparents, uncle. Everyone in the family played handball. For the first five years of my life I lived in South Africa, and when I came back to Egypt, they just threw me on the court, “go, start playing,” and that’s when I started.

My sister Heba Hesham is nine years older than me, and my brother Ali Hesham is six years older. I’m the last one. It’s unusual for literally everyone in a family to play handball, but because we come from this handball family, everyone had to try it. My sister did it only for one year — she’s the brains of the family, so then she focused on studying. Me and my brother continued the sports life. My brother played professionally in Egypt for a couple of years, until he got an injury and became an engineer. He played for Heliopolis, the same team I did.

I don’t know who started the handball cycle in my family. Someone did, and then their children played, and it was passed on. Everyone played, but no one got into any other roles in handball like coaching, except my uncle — he was in the International Federation for a while and the Egyptian Federation.

My dad, Hesham Elsayed, was the national team goalkeeper, although he started as a left back — like me — when he was a kid. He was the best goalkeeper in Egypt for a while. He played in the youth categories with the Egypt team that was older than him — just like when I was younger, starting with the older teams. Then he joined the main national team in 1984, where he played for five years, reaching over 50 caps.

He was named best goalkeeper of one championship. He didn’t play the World Championship, because Egypt were not really on the world map in handball before the 1990s. Before that, we only qualified for the World Championships once and had never reached the Olympics, so my dad was not having the same experiences I am now. He retired from handball when he was 25.

My uncle, Alaa Elsayed, was younger than my dad, but they played together in the national team. My uncle is always with me, at every championship and everything. He always follows and he’s always been a part of my playing.

Everything else, it’s always about my father. He is everywhere in handball for me. This sport is a link to him. That’s why I play with his name, Hesham, on my back rather than what’s normal, the last name. In Egypt, normally we have our first name, then the father’s name, then our grandfather’s name and then family name. So you will see my Egypt teammates have their family name on their back. I chose to have my father’s name since I started playing for Egypt. When I started playing professionally as I always wanted, all of it was towards my dad.

My dad passed away very suddenly, in his sleep. It wasn’t easy at all. I didn’t have much time with him and I don’t remember most of my childhood days. For me it was about coping without a father figure at home. His death left a hole in every way — physically being there, memories, conversations about him, what a father might bring to my life. It wasn’t an easy thing to grow up with. My brother and sister had more time with him, so it’s more painful for them as they have the memories. Everyone coped in their own way, to deal with the pain.

My mother, Cherine Abdallah, tries not to talk about it. Not to think about it. We all know it’s not easy for her at all. It’s not something we all talk about often. For us dealing with it was about focusing on what we have left together, so we are super close — me with my siblings and with our mother. The struggles we had growing up made us all depend on each other and have each other’s back. Even now when I’m away, we are close. We talk every day and we always know what’s going on with each other. My mother and sister have both been to visit me in France. My brother can’t yet because of the mandatory military service.

Considering my family relationship with handball, I wish everyone who is gone was here to see what we are doing now for Egypt. Carrying the name of my family is really something I’m proud of, something I want to continue representing well — this is what I did and this is where I came from. That we made the Olympic semi-finals for the first time in history — a first in any team sport for an Egypt team. That we are competitive at the World Championship. That we won the Youth World Championship, the first ever trophy for Egypt there, and the same summer I played in the under-21 team that took the bronze medal at the Junior World Championship.

I was also MVP at the Youth World Championship, which I think was a first for any Egypt player. I’m proud of everything we’ve done and like I said, it’s all about my dad, so I wish he and the other members of the family who aren’t here could see it — for my dad to see that his own name is there in handball history.

The future for Egyptian handball looks so promising, and so many of us are playing in Europe now as well. I’m the first from my family to do that.

I first moved to Europe, to Nimes in France, in February 2020. I was there 20 days getting used to it and then Covid came, so I went back to Egypt, right after all the hard goodbyes and crying and everything. I was back in Egypt for like four months and then I came for my first season in Europe. The first season was weird because it was the Covid season, so there were no spectators in the arenas, and we couldn’t do anything outside our homes. We would just go to training and then come back.

So that first season was not a normal season and it was not easy to get used to the new life in a different continent. The second season, I started to get used to the team, started to speak a little bit more French, so it was better, until I got my ACL injury. I went back to Egypt for seven months for the rehabilitation. This last season, my third in Europe, was where I really got used to everything. I have friends now and I speak better French, and everything else came together. And then I transferred to Montpellier.

It’s a lot easier now. New people, new friends — I can talk to them easily. I’m not a shy person but I didn’t know how to show my personality or talk with anyone because I didn’t speak French.

It was helpful there was another Egyptian, Mohammad Sanad, at Nimes. Now I’m trying to help the new Egyptian there, Mohab Abdelhak, the young right back who’s in his first year there. It’s like a cycle — everyone takes care of the younger ones.

It’s important that there are more Egyptians playing in France and in Europe. We still have to prove ourselves also for each other and the future players coming from Egypt. Some of the things that have happened, I’ve not been 100 per cent sure if there has been racism or not. Sometimes it seems like I’ve been judged more harshly, but it’s not always easy to recognise when you are dealing with prejudice, especially when you are young.

I literally left my life in Egypt to come to Europe to play, so I’m here to play and enhance my game. The only thing that can make me get the most time on court is my game — not if I’m funny, not if I’m friends with people, so I have to focus only on playing no matter what else is going on.

The mentality is a really important part of being a successful player and I could develop that early because I was playing professionally since I was 16, so I’ve been playing with people who were older than me for a long time. My mind matured a bit earlier than normal, but everything I experienced here just made me realise that I know nothing. There were so many new experiences — learning how to interact with other players from another culture, how to play well with new players, how to treat new players.

Now I get to work with Patrice Canayer. I had heard a lot of things about him before coming, about how strict he is and things like that. But then I sat with him and we spoke and he gives me a kind of grandfather vibe. He’s a kind guy who makes those sort of old jokes. But in the trainings, he is crazy — we train a lot. We don’t know what rest days are. As a coach, he has 30 years’ experience in the same club, so he knows everything about the game and that’s what we’re trying to learn from him.

I’ve worked with a lot of very experienced coaches now, between the French clubs and the Spanish coaches of the Egypt team. I’ve realised the French are more aggressive in the type of play. The relationship with the players, the coaches approach the same — they want it to feel strictly professional.

My own game is a combination of everything now. My defence is now like the Spanish defence — it’s all about playing on the ball playing and running. The French system, you want to go up and hit anyone who’s in front of you. The Spanish system, you want to score from like four metres or go inside the goal to shoot if you can. The French, you want to shoot from 10 or 12 metres. It’s totally different, so I’m just a mix of everything. I prefer shooting from outside, all day. I don’t know how to explain the Egyptian way. It’s just in me.

My ACL injury was on 24 October 2021. I had my surgery in Paris one month after the injury and then stayed in France like two months, not moving or doing a lot. Then I took another seven months of rehab in Egypt. The doctor in Egypt, Amr Yuri, was amazing and mentally I needed to be there, because of my friends and family. I feel like I came back stronger than ever.

I’ve been saying since the beginning that the injury is the best thing that happened, because I never had time for my body before. The injury taught me a lot about taking care of my body in different ways. It also gave me a little more time with my friends and family that I missed for a while. I needed that moment in my life.

Living in a foreign country, I am not only away from friends and family, but being Muslim here is different than in Egypt. It’s not an issue. It can make you closer to your religion when you’re outside Egypt. In the team, everyone is just curious. If I pray in front of them, they ask me how many times a day I pray. Everyone just wants to know more about it and asks questions.

Ramadan is a little harder because in Egypt we eat at like 18:00. In France it’s like 20:30 or 21:00, so the fasting day is longer because of the light. I did the last two Ramadans and they were totally fine, but I learned I can’t do it on the day of a match. Everything else, it doesn’t have an impact. The hardest days are when we have two trainings.

I speak to the coach before Ramadan comes. I just sit with them and tell them this is something I do and I need to do. It’s not easy, not eating or drinking during training, but it doesn’t impact my work — they say that if it impacts your work, you don’t do it those days.

Looking to the future, the hope is to stay in Europe for a long time playing. Of course I miss my friends and family, but I took the decision to make handball my career and I don’t see my life any other way. When I go on the court, I forget everything else. When we win a match, I can be happy two or three days until the next one.

It’s worth it, even with what I left at home. And every step I get to celebrate and in the hard moments, it only makes it more special to know how I am serving and representing my father’s name and making everyone who got me here proud.

Ahmed Hesham
October 2023

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