This is me: Estavana Polman

THIS IS ME: Estavana Polman

You know the Netherlands. It is a beautiful country. But it was not renowned for handball. In sports, it was all about football. And when I grew up, I always played football on the streets alongside my big brother and my twin brother. But apart from football, there was also handball. Funny story.

I started playing when I was only five years old. My grandfather and my grandmother had a cafeteria in Arnhem, in a local arena, and they were searching for a handball team. I started playing and the ball was like a magnet for me. Remember, I was only five years old. I knew this was it.

I started playing with my twin brother, and it stuck. It stuck and here I am, nearly 30 years later, doing the same thing, with the same passion and the same drive. But I had to learn the hard way some things. I learnt to be tough, to stand up for myself, not to back down when I knew I was right.

Well, I would have never thought that I was going to become a world champion or win two medals at the EHF EURO. Back then, it was only a fun game, it was something that I had the luck to be talented at and see it as a game. And like always, my twin brother was there to protect me.

It was tough at times to grow up with him because he was very protective of me. We basically grew up on the streets, always playing football. And I was never the kind of little girl which like to play with dolls. No, I wanted to be exactly like him. He was a model for me, and I know I was a model for him in some ways. It was tough, but I learnt to stand up for myself and believe until the end in something that I truly had my heart in.

As the time passed, I grew more and more sure that my brothers are proud of me, they are my number one fans, while I am proud of them, and I am their No. 1 fan. The bond was and is still very strong and it is like this, even if I left the Netherlands when I was very, very young.

While handball is getting more and more popular, there are not a lot of teams in the country which are very, very strong. Therefore, like maybe all the other players in the national team, I had to leave the Netherlands and settle elsewhere, to pursue my career.

I was only 18 years old when I left to Denmark, to play for SønderjyskE, a team in Aabenraa, close to the border with Germany. My parents drove me there and I told them it is OK, I was acting all tough, looking very, very sure on myself, ready to start the challenge. I was trying to ensure that they were not feeling bad for leaving me there.

On one hand, it worked. On the other hand, I cried throughout the first day, because I did not know what I was going to do. I did not know how to cook, I did not know how to wash my clothes, I was all alone in a foreign country without any idea how I was going to survive.

What happened next? Well, my father is a great cook, the best I know. So, it was pretty clear that I was going to call him every day, to see when the potatoes are done, to see when the meat is completely cooked, to basically learn some tips and tricks about how to cook.

PS: there were times when even with the smartest of advices, the food was impossible to eat. It was simply not eatable. So, after the phone call with my family, I quickly typed in the number of a local pizzeria or went directly to the closest fast-food, just to eat something that day. Yes, I know it is not the best advice for a player, because the nutrients were not exactly the best, but I did what I had to do to survive.

And I got tougher. After two years, I moved to Team Esbjerg, where I spent the next nine years, before moving to Nykøbing Falster Håndboldklub and then to my current club, Rapid Bucuresti. But more on Rapid later, because it has become a really special chapter in my career, one that came at the perfect time for me.

Back to Denmark now and I have to say it: it was the perfect place for me to grow up, both as a person and as a player. As a person – the culture is special, it helped me a lot to instil some values. As a player – the style of handball is special, the discipline is quite something and it surely created the best version of myself.

Listen, when I was young, I was not disciplined. I was quite lazy – if that is the most honest word I can use – but in Denmark I really understood why you need to work hard, why talent – which I was blessed with – is not enough to make the next step, to become a better player and a better person.

In Denmark, I learnt to work hard… the hard way. Because I had some very bad injuries, some very difficult moments, where my career would have ended, were it not for the mentality I built in the past. When you are on the top of the world, it is very easy to fall down. And here I was, after becoming the MVP of the World Championship in 2019, suffering a bad injury.

I had two choices: to sit idly and cry a lot, without doing anything for myself, just letting it all go past, or work hard to get back on track. Like I have said, I learnt that working hard is not an option – it is the option. Life is not always about good things, about fun and wins, it is also about how you get up after you fall down.

Believe me, the easy way out was to cry, ask why it is happening to me and complain a bit. But I was built stronger than that, and here I am, fighting for my national team again and playing in the Champions League.

First, a word about the national team. ‘Oranje’ has always been special for me and I have played more than 150 matches, scoring … about 600 goals? Is that right? Of course, we never believed we were going to be this good, but we had an excellent last decade, with plenty of medals and a world title. We talked between us all the time that something special was going to happen and it finally happened back in 2019.

We proved that the Dutch can also play handball – not only football – and the sport has been getting better and better in our country and I can only be proud about we, as a team, have achieved.

Now back to my club. I promised I was going to talk a bit about Rapid and why this club is special. First of all, it came in the perfect moment of my career. I was 30 years old when I signed here, in Bucharest, now I am 31, and it is clear that I am closer to the end of my career than its start.

Second, this is the club that made me feel calm, both in my head, and in my body, and as well on the court. No, don’t think for a second that I do not tremble with joy or excitement every time I play for this team, because the fans are absolutely amazing. Did you see them? Watch them again. You did not see them? Well, that’s a pity, try to watch a match. You will not be disappointed.

It was the best decision I could have taken for me and my family. But it was not an easy one, because I was used to living in Denmark for so many years. At Nykøbing, I was driving for seven hours a day for a round trip to get to the training sessions, because I was still living in Esbjerg.

For the sake of my family. Because – and I think I have already said this before in any interview I can – the family is the most important thing for me. When it does not make sense for me to play handball anymore, I will stop playing handball. Sure, it is always a juggling act between me and my partner, Rafael, because we have to match our schedules.

When he has commitments, I have to step in. When I have matches scheduled, he will step in. Like I have said, it is a balancing act, but we are keeping it together. Right now, the balance is good and I can still enjoy handball a lot. It is what I love doing, and on the court, I feel like I am a different person.

Even with the injuries, even with the hardships, I would not change anything right now. I feel like I am in a very good place, I am happy with what I have achieved, and I think everything that happened made me a better person. There were tears, difficult moments, but the bottom line is that hard work always pays off. Always!

Estavana Polman
November 2023